The year is complete

Last weekend of the year. Weekends are the time to rest and recuperate and to cover up the sleep deficit. I hardly slept last night but I still don’t want to take a nap and miss some precious minutes. Because it is one rare occasion when the younger kid got permission to visit home during term time. And that gives me the energy to take on everything with a smile.

It may not seem a huge deal to most parents to have kids at home, but if your chick has flown away, you’ll definitely understand how I feel.

This is one of the lessons of growing older: The best holidays are the ones when everyone is at home. I have travelled alone, it was a great adventure, but I always missed sharing the experience with someone. My husband and I take more ‘couple’ trips together, but we still think it is more fun when all of us are together. I have travelled with each of my daughters separately, we have great conversations and special mom-and daughter moments. But that feeling of ‘completeness’ is so very special. To all of those who have the time together, I hope you treasure each moment.

We fight, we yell we drive each other up the wall. My work increases, the house is messier and noisier. And yet I Thank God for these moments.

There was a time we used to take 3-4 holidays in a year. We tried to cover them all-forest safaris, beaches, hills, monuments and mountains. And then with time you realize that the best journeys are the ones that take you home.

As a new year is about to begin. That is what I would wish for everyone. (Not exactly messy or noisy homes) but definitely love and togetherness and contentment.

Parenting a Teenager

I have some time to write today. But no clue about what to write about.

When this was primarily a mommy blog, there was always some incident like coming home to find the PC screen upside down or some conversations like these that I had to share. I am still the mommy but with two teenagers, there has been a slow and steady erosion of my job description.

The kids are not only on their own wings, they keep trying to take me under their wing too. Maybe they are looking for some payback.

You need to exercise. No mom, you don’t have fever and you can’t bunk office. How can you read this crap; I’ll find you a book to read. Show me the ticket, I need to confirm the time. Give me the ID cards. Did you pack your charger? Why didn’t you finish lunch? Phone-Wallet-Keys why can’t you not lose just these three things?

For some time, I would keep reminding them that I was still the mom, but then I stopped bothering. I listen to the instructions. I make worse excuses than they ever made. When they get really mad over some random (unfortunately quite common) incident like misplacing a wallet, I use the zooming-out trick I learnt from them.

When I almost delayed a flight, requesting that they let me ‘un-board’ and search for my phone, I thought my daughter would start a blog of her own! ‘Teenaging a parent’ or something like that. We found the phone in the seat pocket after sending the crew on a treasure hunt. She just gave that ‘Don’t say a word’ look, I refused to meet her eyes. I acted ‘normal’, read a book for ten minutes and then silently offered to share a bag of chips.

It is good fun being a parent of a teen. 

It’s also payback!

Teach your daughters about safety

Teach your sons about consent. It is the patriarchal mindset that need to change. Men should be brought up to respect women.

I agree with all these statements. But I feel helpless. I know a lot of mothers who are teaching their sons about consent. I know a lot of men who respect women. And I know they are a small minority. There still are a lot of animals around us and they could be anyone, anywhere.

We still need to worry about our daughters. Yes, they should have the right to travel alone, to come home at the time they want to, to wear what they like to, to go out when they want to. 

I wish I could assure my daughters about their rights. But I cannot. Because in the dystopian world we live in, rights may lead to a court case running for a decade, but they can't keep you safe. The law makers and enforcers can't keep you safe and neither can the society. There are molestors and abusers and rapists and murderers amongst the people who walk around you and you have to take care of your safety at all times. 

You are the one who has to be vigilant, alert, connected, the one to avoid lonely streets on dark nights. You have to make sure you reach home safe.

For no matter how much I want to change the world for you, I know there is a long way to go. Till then let us do all we can, to keep ourselves safe.

Into that heaven of freedom

What have people become?

That was my reaction seven years ago when Jyoti Singh was raped brutally and left to die a traumatic death. There was outrage. And then the usual legal process. One of those animals is out on the streets today, leading a normal life because of the legal process.

Maybe that explains the cheering today when policemen bypassed the legal process and carried on the execution themselves.

What does that say about our country? Our systems? 

This was a crime the police could have prevented. That would have been cause to cheer.

This was a crime which shouldn't have happened in a civil society. That would be the day to cheer.

But you know what? Even though I am scared of a state where the people who should be keeping us safe become killers, for this one time, I am glad. I hope it sends a message to animals like these. The police has showed it can hunt down the criminals and even kill them in cold blood. They should be able to stop them so that no woman has to go through this in the country again. That would be worth cheering indeed.

The Birthdays again

Another round of birthdays-days of hectic activity, running around, last minute crisis…and complete MADNESS at home..It’s this which keeps me away from my blog too, this time of the year!

On one hand we are grateful that we only have to do it once in a year, on the other hand we feel completely drained out this time of the year-physically, mentally and financially!

And yet we do it with more zeal every year!

Planning both parties, buying everything we can get our hands on, cooking up surprises, making plans to delight them at every step...

However this time, I was questioning myself more.

Yes, it is ok to splurge once in a while, but shouldn’t we be thinking of the other little girls out there, who are still struggling to live?

Are we teaching them the right things? 

After years of receiving, shouldn’t I be teaching them to give more? 

Maybe, from next year, we’ll spend half the effort in taking them around to the blind school or SOS village and let them experience the joy of sharing their gifts.

My ideas seemed to idealistic when I thought of these two, who insist on keeping a piece of return gift also, on top of all the gifts they get, actually agreeing to give up on anything.

And then, Elena came to me herself saying, Mom can we please give something new to Parvati didi this time? We thought about what our maid would need most and then she happily packed up satchels of school stationery for the maid’s children.

It was a small thing, but I was really happy she thought of it. My little girl is growing up all right! Yes, we’ll do more, all along the year, and not just on the birthdays, but we had made a beginning.

Words that live on

Remember the days we prepared for exams and dreamt of the holidays to follow? I always had a long list of things to do in the vacations-that I would keep updating as I would make notes for the exam next day. And then the vacations would be over before I got to point no. 2 or 3 on the list.The same things happened to my blog. The last few months I kept pushing off things because I would be free in a few weeks. And then,   things just got busier and crazier till I forgot what I wanted to write about. Some of the things didn’t matter anymore…

Just one incident that still finds me shaken was reading about IHM’s daughter. Something no mother should have to go through, something that is so brutal, so final…

I remember holding my grandfather’s hand for hours as he turned to a cold block of wood. And I felt furious at the hordes of relatives who descended and suddenly started calling him “the body”. He was still my grandfather. I was praying so hard. He would of course draw in a breath again…

But he did not. 

There was no hope.

How does a mother deal with such a moment?

I salute you IHM. Your courage is amazing.

And so are your daughter’s words, which are a beacon to all mothers like me..

Why such a late tribute? Because I cannot go on to my blog without thinking of you. Isn’t it strange, when we don’t even know each other, except just through our words?