My Story: How the High School subjects chose me/us

I am starting to write my own story here.

First, because my primary source of inspiration-my conversations (aka tirades, rants, clashes, slugfests) are so few and far between with the girls moving to boarding school.

Second (or maybe this is the primary reason) because as formal studies are taking over their life in a stronger grip (my last post);, I feel as if I am re-living that trauma again.

I wrote this part of the story first on a post for mycity4kids.

Reposting here..

At fifteen, Elena had to decide on her ‘subject-combination’.

 It took me back to the time when I had to make my choice. I had been  for waiting for months for the time where we get to choose which subjects to study.

I loved History and Literature and Geography. The combination wasn’t ‘available’ in our school so I had to pick the nearest available package. I think it was History, English and Home Science.

My parents were aghast. Their well-wishers (extended family, neighbors, friends, friends of friends, families and all) felt their pain and came together to support them.

‘She was such a good student! How did this happen?’

‘It is the age. You should check why she has lost interest in studies. Is she involved with…’

‘You can’t let her take such a decision; she is going to blame you for not guiding her when she was young.’

Their logic: If you score decent marks, you study science. And become a doctor or an engineer.

I vetoed the Doctor option outright-I could already imagine being surrounded by pain, illness and death. I would suffer more than the patients around me. That, they could understand.

And engineering wasn’t an option because I hated Math. That led to guffaws (nowadays you would called it LOL-ROFL) because I had scored 96/100.

They coaxed, cajoled, threatened and then compromised.

According to the logic(?) followed by our education system, a science student has the option of changing to non-science subjects but not vice-versa. If I studied science for just two years it would give me the option of selecting subjects of my choice two years later too.

Now, knowing how parents and well-wishers think, I guess they assumed/hoped I would realize the wisdom of studying engineering over history by then.

And so I ended up selecting ‘Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics’ over ‘History, Geography, Literature, Biology and others.’

A generation later, my daughter has picked the same core subjects.

I don't know if the decision will work for her or not. 

I wonder what she will be thinking a few decades down the line. Will she blame me for not ‘guiding’ her? Will she blame herself for not making the correct choice? Will she be thanking us/herself for making a great decision?

Or will she be just looking back and laughing about it, like me.

It's not funny that decades later our children are facing the same limitations.

Do we really need to make children choose between the categories of science/humanities/commerce at the age of fourteen or fifteen? And eliminate all other options?

Are these 'subjects' really so different from each other?

Why can't the student who loves Biology and History study both?

Da Vinci had interests in painting, sculpting, architecture, science, music, mathematics, engineering, literature, anatomy, geology, astronomy, botany, writing, history, and cartography. He painted the Mona Lisa and designed a prototype for the Helicopter in the 15th century.

Why are we denying our children that chance in the 21st century?

How to be a cool parent

Papa, I am dropping the Mech Paper. I know I will flunk if I appear in it.

First year at college, and I had just learnt that it was now possible to “drop” papers you think are too tough!

The cool Dad reply

Beta, why don’t you read up a bit, whatever you can, and give it a shot? You might just clear it and not have to read the WHOLE thing again. Just try a little…

There was some logic in it..

Oh Ok. I’ll try what I can do. But I just want you to know I might not clear..

That’s ok, you can always study all over again, but I do think it’ll be much easier if you can manage to read up a little now…

It’s final exam time at home now.

And the toughest part of my job is convincing these two to study.

As I gear up for another argument, telling myself I am not going to lose my cool/blow a fuse this time, Dad’s words echo in my mind.

Was there a small pause in his voice as he heard my declaration?

..A sharp intake of breath and a hesitation as he thought over what to say?

Are there some memories that become sharper with time?

Conversations, which you understand better after a lot of water has flown under the bridge?

Or is it just wisdom, life forces you to acquire, that shows up things in a different hue altogether?

Please life, give me the wisdom, to say the right thing to say to my children, right before their exams.

Please friends, do share some advice,

Or just pray for me…

...do not bring us to the test

I was a bad student. The kind who do everything but study all through the year. But I was held up as a role model to the rest of the class and my cousins (and heartily resented for it), because I was very good at exams.

I studied the examination system more seriously than my books. My success belonged more to strategizing and sheer luck than slogging-smart working as it is called these days. Yes, I seriously worked hard at getting marks, because my grades did matter a lot to me.

And like most parents, I resolved I would not bring up my daughters to do the same.

With them, I always emphasized that learning is more important than “mugging up and coughing out”. I’d prefer that they did reasonably well on their own, than “coming first” with spoon-fed answers and I never asked the teacher their “rank” in class compared to the others.

Yet, when Elena showed me her test answer papers with 23½ out of 25 in four out of five of them-I couldn’t help asking:

Why? When you know everything?

These are just test marks, I do know the answers and that is more important.

So why didn’t you just check the paper before handing it in? These are just careless mistakes that you could have corrected.

I had to go for choir practice so I finished as fast as I could.

Looking at my expression, she sat down to explain:

Mamma, these tests keep happening all around the year, but the Speech day happens only once. Also these marks are not so important, because I do know everything. My Ma’am also knows that I know.

A theatrical pause and then the punch line:

And you know Mamma, there are so many kids in my class who have actually Failed!
Unsaid: See, you lucky you are? And stop cribbing about the 1½ points.

I know she is right.

But the Mom in me still wants her to do better. Am I wrong?