Ladies Seats

I grew up in a small town where public transport was almost non-existent. I drove my own scooter and then a car before I was old enough to get a driving license and my parents were ok with that. My mother had felt mauled and violated every day of travelling in a bus to college and this was there way of protecting me.

When I moved to a bigger city and decided to use the public transport, everyone who knew me had advise to share. Travel only in the ladies compartment. All busses have ladies seats in the front. Don’t go towards the back. Don’t get into busses which are too crowded. Never get into a bus which is nearly empty. Wear shoes with sharp heels. Carry an umbrella and poke it into anything that comes closer than three inches.  

Except for wearing pencil heels, I tried out most of the other tips. I would be weary after the long day of internship but still stay propped between sweaty women even if there was more breathing space at the back.  After some time, I started driving my scooty to work even if it meant driving 56km through Delhi traffic.

It took some time for me to try and use the bus after I moved to Bangalore. It had better buses, there were less dire warnings around and yet I stuck to the seats in the front, which far too less compared to the number of women who traveled. I saw an empty seat at the back and went for it. (I did have an umbrella). I realized that since the seat was two feet  higher the view was so much better too.

I am big advocate of public transport now. I have persuaded many to try the trains, metro, car-pools and the bus. I tell them to travel in more numbers. To claim what should be ours. To carry umbrellas or pepper sprays or whatever works for them. I just don’t tell anyone to stick to the ladies seats.

This post is in some ways contradictory to my previous one. While I was writing that I was questioning myself on why we have to do so much to stay safe when it is, they who should be living in fear. I guess that too was rooted in reality and so is this one.

There are times when we have to be extra vigilant and there are times when we need to be brave. There is a reality we cannot change in a day. We need to be prepared for it. But that doesn’t mean we give up trying to change it. 

Teach your daughters about safety

Teach your sons about consent. It is the patriarchal mindset that need to change. Men should be brought up to respect women.

I agree with all these statements. But I feel helpless. I know a lot of mothers who are teaching their sons about consent. I know a lot of men who respect women. And I know they are a small minority. There still are a lot of animals around us and they could be anyone, anywhere.

We still need to worry about our daughters. Yes, they should have the right to travel alone, to come home at the time they want to, to wear what they like to, to go out when they want to. 

I wish I could assure my daughters about their rights. But I cannot. Because in the dystopian world we live in, rights may lead to a court case running for a decade, but they can't keep you safe. The law makers and enforcers can't keep you safe and neither can the society. There are molestors and abusers and rapists and murderers amongst the people who walk around you and you have to take care of your safety at all times. 

You are the one who has to be vigilant, alert, connected, the one to avoid lonely streets on dark nights. You have to make sure you reach home safe.

For no matter how much I want to change the world for you, I know there is a long way to go. Till then let us do all we can, to keep ourselves safe.

Into that heaven of freedom

What have people become?

That was my reaction seven years ago when Jyoti Singh was raped brutally and left to die a traumatic death. There was outrage. And then the usual legal process. One of those animals is out on the streets today, leading a normal life because of the legal process.

Maybe that explains the cheering today when policemen bypassed the legal process and carried on the execution themselves.

What does that say about our country? Our systems? 

This was a crime the police could have prevented. That would have been cause to cheer.

This was a crime which shouldn't have happened in a civil society. That would be the day to cheer.

But you know what? Even though I am scared of a state where the people who should be keeping us safe become killers, for this one time, I am glad. I hope it sends a message to animals like these. The police has showed it can hunt down the criminals and even kill them in cold blood. They should be able to stop them so that no woman has to go through this in the country again. That would be worth cheering indeed.

Lessons from 26/11: Who needs them?

After the horror of 26/11 faded away and lives limped back to normalcy, for us- the common citizens, it just meant a few more security checks everyday. Which I, as a “hypermom” did welcome even when the security men at a shopping mall created a jam by checking the boot of every car.

I had a big haversack containing the kids’ rackets-I got down ready to get that scanned.

No Ma’am, the bags will be checked when you walk in.

But I am not taking that bag-it’ll remain in the car. Who’s going to check that?

That’s Ok Ma’am. It is not our job.

The cars behind me were having a hooting competition.

I drove in and parked.

Another evening….

A few hundred (or was it thousand) people came through the narrow walkway and collected to see the “light and sound” show at Brindavan gardens, waiting for darkness to fall.

In the melee of grand-dads playing with toddlers, couples looking for corners, and hassled parents buying popcorn to placate howling kids…a man huddled with a larger than usual suitcase.

My imagination got the fuel it always seeks. A suitcase?

Are those two lathi wielding guys the only security here?

The man sets the suitcase down and fiddles with his mobile. I keep staring as he sets the suitcase against the steps and walks off.

Paranoid that I am, I whisper to my husband and point out the suitcase. He shrugs. The guy's  probably going off to pee or to click a picture. I keep my eyes on the stranger who is walking further away.

When he does not come back in 5 minutes, I walk down and ask the guys sitting next to the suitcase if they know the owner. Nobody does.

The lathiwala’s reaction: What suitcase? Oh some idiot did the same yesterday also-can you bring the suitcase here?

This is the guy in a khakhi uniform!!!

As I made him walk up to the area-the people had started moving away, but only a little (they may feel unsafe-but they can't look silly). I pointed out the suitcase wallah-who was propped against the far entrance and looking at us.

That guy rushed through the crowds to claim his luggage and clasped it close. There was a quick conversation in Kannada -which from body language and my “swalpa” knowledge of the language translates as:

A: Women ******. Heee, I was just taking photos****

B: Hee. Women********. Don’t leave your luggage around. You are not allowed to bring it here.

A: Hee*******And he sits down next to the suitcase.

I might have been getting all kinds of looks from all around, but years of practice made them immaterial as I kept my attention on the suitcase till the guy finally picked it up and walked off, five minutes before the show started.

The general verdict: Paranoid woman!

Yep. And I’ll do it again because some things will never change.

Swine flu paranoia

Ten years of driving two wheelers of every shape and size and I never wore a helmet, because I liked the feel of wind through my hair!

Yes all logic and traffic regulations didn’t make sense; people die any way, don’t they? And so many of them still live anyway!

Today I am really scared. I’ll do anything to keep my family safe.

Yes this supposed to be just another version of the flu we all keep having and getting over, but I never heard of people dying from cold before.

The casualty rate is a bare .01percent-But isn’t that just statistics? That one from the entire population might be the entire world for someone.

My kids’ school declared a week’s holiday after a student tested positive.

How do I know if it is safe to send them now? How many more could be infected or carriers? They could be travelling in the same stuffy van, sitting in the same classroom, playing together, eating together…

Should I insist on their wearing masks all day? But I know those won’t last a second after the van is out of sight.

Should I keep them at home?

I know I am being paranoid, but I can't help it.

Safety has somehow taken on a completely different dimension for me.