Looking for a Silver lining

I have not retired from blogging.

I have the same excuse as everytime.

I was just waiting for things to come back to turn right.

But things just kept turning left.

Just the little mom things

Like house-hunting with the stop-watch ticking away in countdown mode.

Like the kids’ exams to get over-they did. But then we had to make up for all the missed-out Guitar and Art classes.

And the maid just had to leave for her native village for a three-day trip which got stretched to a week.

And it was just the time that we found that both cooking Gas cylinders were now empty, and a delivery which normally took three days, this time took 11!

I did have the microwave to pull me through, but there just happened to be a day-long power-cut too.

And then the kitchen taps didn’t leave me the option of ignoring them till we moved away, the school van didn’t come one day, my partner in fire-fighting had to go away for two weeks, and the school declared a day off when it was my working day.

Is insomnia preferable to nightmares haunted by houses and exam papers and cooking breakfast on powerless microwaves?

Maybe not-I realized as I heard the screeching dent on my car.

The quotes on positive thinking just did not work.

It was only on reaching office and drinking hot-coffee from a machine that worked that I could think of the silver lining.

The dent is on the left fender!

The old one! For which I can now claim a replacement.

Let me celebrate by logging in.

What women really want

Battling the peak-hour Bangalore traffic in the rains I disconnect a call offering a free for life, platinum card. Then there is a huge billboard announcing something about diamonds and women’s wish lists.

At that moment, I just wish I had the time to make my breakfast.

I wish someone would make a microwave that could run on a car battery.

It wouldn’t take too much improvisation to rig up a conferencing system in the car would it? We could just finish with the meetings on the way and get straight to work.

Oh and while we are on the wishlist..a toggle to shrink the sides of the car by just a few inches so that I could squeeze by these competing BMTC buses would be such a welcome innovation. Nothing James Bond about it surely?

and just one thing more: a distance monitor to see what the kids were upto while the light turns red for the third time and I move ahead by exactly seven inches.  Those people had it even during the Mahabharta…

Hey anyone knows how to get in touch with Mr. Phungshook Wangdu?

Since we moved years ago to branded, ground Atta we don’t need that Atta chacki anymore-but something which churns out Paranthas as we juggle the clutch/accelerator would be such a blessing.

Another wish: A calorie burner/vitual treadmill that churns as I drive. 

All the marketing magicians who keep insisting on selling ULIPs and Credit Services, could you please sell me these instead?

I need them more than diamonds…and so do many other women.

A Driving School called Dad

Keep one foot on the brake, release the clutch softly, and step on the accelerator-Hard.

The gears would screech in protest and the car would jump and jerk to a halt as I would take both feet off: How can someone operate three pedals at the same time?

Well go and ride a cycle then!

That was my Dad teaching me to drive.

Well learning from him sure was tough-but then it was learning for life.

Yes I can still hear him strategizing while teaching me to overtake trucks on a National Highway:

Look at the number plate-for Maharashtra and Gujarat numbers, overtake from the right, for Haryana numbers, go left.

For others-Flash the high beam, beep and watch the way it shifts. Slow down to make space, pull into the third and take over just as it is losing momentum

He taught me never to assume that anyone else knows the traffic rules or has heard of road etiquette. On the road we have to save our own ******

He also taught me never to get bullied by size (that menacing bus cannot move as fast as you can) or get awed by opulence either (that rude merc or chevvy or whatever is more scared of a scratch then you are.)

A hallmark of the best teachers is that they teach you how to learn on your own.

Thanks to Dad, I also learnt to drive through the deceptive desert sands, through sticky bogs, through gridlocks and subzi mandees and traffic so crazy that it makes me look at the regular Bangalore traffic as a chance to de-stress (and blog).

It was a long time ago, when my father urged me on as I (plonked against a pillow to reach the controls of our fiat) struggled to juggle between three pedals with two feet.

Yet, the day I was stuck in the worst ever rush hour jam, with wheel-deep water, miles of stationary buses and cars, cyclonic rain and darkness all around, I felt Dad’s words coming back to me, guiding me home.

As I was inching ahead, scribbling on my notebook and munching chocolate, I saw an astounded look on another driver’s face. I guess she didn’t know about Bernard Shaw’s insight into what makes a “Real Soldier (or Driver).” My father did.

Driving in Bangalore

Kannada Bharata?
Rule No. 1: Learn FAST
That’s the first survival tip for Bangalore roads.

Rule no. 2: Women shouldn’t be at the wheel. No, don’t try to educate the auto wala, the call center cabs, or the sleekly oiled gentlemen in the Skoda. Even the cops have the same attitude. Save your breath.

Rule no. 3: You are from “The North”-you are responsible for everything that’s wrong with Bangalore roads, and the culture (well that’s the subject for another post).

Rule no. 4: If like me, you are a woman, at the wheel and from North (technically I am NOT from North India-but that’s again another story!)-It’s back to Rule no 1.

While you are still at it. Parwa illa-learn the key words, and keep some telephone numbers of Kannadiga friends (preferably guys-Remember Rule no 2). You never know when you might need them.

This is from experience. I have been harassed by cops. Then there was a driver who tried to make me pay for scraping against his car when I didn’t let him overtake me. Both times, the tone changed dramatically, when I just dialed a number.

I have been told that having a “Jai Karnataka” flag or a poster of Rajkumar is the ultimate passport to avoid being harassed on the road, but I am yet to try it out.



Anyway, this is the extreme scenario; there are some other tips which help my everyday commute a little easier:

• Always keep food, water, newspaper, novels, pen and notepaper in your car. You never know where you can get stuck and for how long. In the mornings, I have my breakfast while driving to office, on the way back; I make grocery lists and the menu for dinner, next day’s breakfast, kids’ tiffin and lunch during these breaks.
  
• Keep your phone charged if you don’t have a car charger. Use longer stops to connect with all friends and family.
  
• Always keep your horn, brakes and tyres in good repair. Last monsoon, I kept two spare tyres in the boot and used them. I am still carrying both-although with the increased security awareness ((?) Another story!) it always takes two extra minutes before the guard lets me enter the office parking.
  
• While driving, the most comfortable thing to do is to target any office cab, they are there in every lane and by lane and tail it. They know the best routes and lanes and when to overtake from which direction.
  Sounds weird? But there is a complicated logic in knowing the exact moment to overtake. And yes, you overtake from either left or right depending on psychographics of the vehicles in front of you and on both sides. Most of us have our own way of working it out, but it’s again easier to follow a cab.
  
• The bumpers need to be at kissing distance. Otherwise the whole strategy fails.
  
• Never tail a BMTC bus. Unless you are nostalgic about playing criss-cross hopscotch.
  
• While dealing with Jay walkers-Honk ferociously, scowl and mutter gibberish. Most will understand. Let the others cross. (the fundamental Rules –remember!)
  
• If you see traffic build up on the main road-stick to it. The arterial roads will be worse –everytime.
  
• Explore the lanes and bylanes. There is always a better way. Although my daughters are not too enthusiastic after the number of ways we’ve got lost trying to find one. The moment they see me take a unfamiliar turn one or the other will ask anxiously “Mummy can we please go from the longer way?”
  

I’ll keep updating the list. Please share your tips too, it’ll make the drive a lot smoother.