The Best Laid Plans

I plan. It helps me feel that I am in control (of whatever).

I need to make plans otherwise I get caught up in moments and land miles away from where I needed to,
And a lot of times, unexpected things happen, situations change and so do plans. So, I usually have a plan-B and even a plan C for worst case situations. This approach has worked beautifully for work-related projects, managing household inventory and investments and even holidays. With people, the plans need to be a lot more elastic, but the overall idea usually worked.

And then came March 2020.

Campus closures and travel bans. Kids at home with nothing to do and nowhere to go. The whole family at home, the maid at her home, and all the office work to do. Flights cancelled for vacations on which now we anyway don’t plan to go. And I don’t even know what to plan for.

Priorities changed.

I have started checking Bigbasket and Amazon Fresh to see when they are restarting deliveries more frequently than I check Facebook or email. Instead of cribbing about work, I am thankful for jobs that are allowing us to go about ‘life as usual’.

Instead of planning for the future, I am living in gratitude in the present. Thankful that the family got to move together before we got locked out and doing my best to help those who could not. And instead of waiting for holidays and vacations and big-ticket purchases, am just waiting for the days when a safe cure is around to combat this fear, and we can get back to the routine, humdrum, boring old life.

And getting my maid back? I certainly have renewed appreciation for her work, but I would not fear her leaves so much any more. Of all the things that have given me confidence, learning to manage with limited resources, without maids, while keeping kids occupied and doing justice to my job among all this mayhem are the topmost.

I am grateful we have been able to cope well so far and hope the same for all. Sharing my prayers for those still in peril and fear, and hopes for a world that heals soon.

Talking to the universe

I often think irrationally, act impulsively and write crazy stuff-but being a product of our times, I also need logic. Hence, I find it difficult to believe in the concept of the universe listening to us, reacting to what we say and steering us in a certain direction.

Empirical evidence says otherwise.

I have felt the universe conspiring against my resolutions, testing me or just laughing at me every time I make big promises-be it about exercise, or doing certain tasks and especially writing. The universe as governed by Murphy’s laws more than Newton’s.

For a long time, it was the children and their priorities. Yesterday it was Mr. Google (yeah, he is very much a person permeating ether haunting our very existence). He told me to clear up my drive and that he had started deleting my photos arranged meticulously into folders since the last 10 years.

I spent the entire evening moving the folders back to the laptop-the last laptop had crashed and hence I had started trusting google-and this what he does to me. Or maybe it’s just the universe. It took five hours to move out 4% of the data. 

And that was the writing time of the day, twice over.

On other days, it is my own list of tasks-all of them become urgent, important the moment my laptop switches on. I remember I had to call the pest-control guy and run the washing machine in time for the clothes to dry and order groceries and…. I have started keeping a pen and paper handy for jotting down all the memory bursts that popup when I am supposed to write.

It has been an interesting experience-I remembered what happened on this day 21 years ago when we did not have Facebook memory notifications.

Coming back to Mr Google’s sabotage, the exercise made me re-look at memories from 2008 onwards (yeah, I am that ancient) and the travel experiences and how those pictures can be wiped out by technology unless we catalog

and share them over and over again.

That and a comment by Priya who discovered a travel blog I had started and dropped out of a decade ago.

Is that the universe talking?

Experiments in ensuring the kids new their language(s)

A prompt on the Momspresso blogging platform nudged me to write this post. It took me back to the days of mad hands-on hit-and-miss parenting experiments. Most of my posts are now more reflective or borderline morbid. Maybe it's a 'phase of life' thing. Well this one is from another phase:

We live in city where if you step out to any public space-an event, airport, or a bus you get to hear a cacophony of languages: Telugu, Kannada, Tamil, Hindi, Malayalam, Bengali to start with. In a situation where adopting any one Indian language over the other seems to tread on regional pride, most people have adopted English as the link language.

So much so that my children's generation now speaks and thinks in English as their first language and falter to even complete a sentence in other Indian languages. At one point, I thought it was ok, language is for communication. If the kids find English an easier medium to connect with people, and they anyway need it for school, let them use English exclusively.

But then a language is much more than a tool for communication. It connects you to an entire culture, your traditions and your heritage. Determined to preserve the connection to their roots for my not-so-interested children, I have tried multiple experiments over the years.

Assigning languages to people:
Using only Bengali while talking to grandparents. Speaking only in Hindi with parents.

Outcome: Slow, painful and yet at times hilarious conversations. (4-year-old telling Ramayana to her grandmother: taar pore ora Ram ke jungle-e bheje dilo. The literal translation: Then they fried-off Ram in the jungle). The convoluted conversations would end up with the grand-parents speaking in English. It was a bit confusing and even I would end up mixing the language and person.

Assigning days:

Saturdays were declared Hindi days; Sundays as Bengali days. These became the most peaceful days as the kids were still not fluent enough to fight without English. Given a choice between not squabbling or building up their vocabulary, they adapted soon and now we had cat-fights in three languages! I am not sure whether this was a good move or not.

Movies:
Yes. Bollywood was far more successful in teaching Hindi to my kids then any enforced language class. It still took some time to catch up though any there would be real confusion like the time my then 6-year-old watched Band-Baaja-Baraat to wonder in the end: But who was Baraat in the movie?

It was more difficult to coax them to watch Bengali movies, so I started with a fun-movie Bhooter Bhavishyat. They enjoyed it, so I pushed my luck with another comedy, but this with a bit of partition history, Goynar Baksho. That went well! Excited, I tried playing more contemporary movies but then my luck ran out- “Can we see only Bengali Ghost movies?” I guess the other facets of culture will have to wait.

Travel:

There are large parts of the country where English doesn’t work that way. And kids learnt it on their own. While in Delhi they picked up the Punjabized Hindi, in Bangalore they learnt to intersect it with 'aiyos'. In Rajasthan, they interacted comfortably with the neighborhood children in colorful Hindi and my elder daughter told me with pride how she bargained in Bengali, in Banaras!

School:
I think this was the most effective channel. My children went to boarding school and broadened their horizons beyond the confines of family and region. They had friends from all parts of the country, were exposed to songs and movies in multiple languages and they learnt to appreciate unique facets of different cultures. If there was a weekend movie in Marathi, they would make a Marathi speaking friend sit with them and translate all the words, beyond subtitles.

Now they insist that while Bahubali was dubbed very well; to enjoy the songs, I must listen to the Telugu version! That’s the circle of life, I guess.

Travel Diary

(This is a very old post, got published again in my attempt at classifying the posts; the journal is still at the 'intentions' stage, let's see how it goes)

Elena’s first trip was a trip to her grandparents’ house for her “Annaprasana” ceremony at the age of five months. At nine months she traveled to Dehradun and Mussoorie. ..

Then came Aurora, and ever since we’ve been traveling across the country with these two in tow.

I’ve been planning to update my travel journal ever since. 

Yes I had one ever since I was in school. I would take the time out to retreat to a quiet corner, or the topmost bunk and scribble down the experience as it happened. But then in those days, I have traveled without bookings, without a budget, and even without luggage (yes, at times without my toothbrush).

And now, before the trips I am psyched about making lists, booking tickets and hotels, and packing almost everything they might possible need. During the trips it is about keeping them entertained, resolving arguments, or being an integral part of them. And after the trip-I am up to my eyes, unpacking all the stuff and hitting our daily hurdles-running. And the journal lies waiting.



Yet, we enjoy the trips just as much. And I’m making another attempt at my travel diary. Lets see how it goes.

Resolutions have to wait-there's a Dance

My princesses were going to have their first Kathak performance.

And I just had to dance around them.

In these enlightened times of extra-curricular activities it was just one addition to the “everything from Samba and Ballet to Bollywood” performances. And with a 12-year experience in motherhood, I was well-prepared for just-another show.

When it comes to getting it right for the kids, we moms are always ready to go those extra miles and alleys we’ve never stepped into. Exploring Nahargarh ki Gali in Jaipur to get the “just-right” jewellery for the show didn’t seem too daunting.

For my kids-I could always do it.

After a crash course in costumes (what makes the Lehanga-flare cylindrical instead of conical), to hair-styling (how to make a bun with 4-inch long hair and how to make short-wavy hair look neatly classical), stitching bits of sponge behind “poky” edges of necklaces, and making make-up stay on a bunch of boisterous kids-my confidence did start quavering.

The humbling blow was the lesson on how not to use safety-pins, when I had to get a tetanus shot and a course of antibiotics, as my thumb turned septic after pinning half-a-dozen duppattas.

Would I ever do it again?

Any day!

Looking for a Silver lining

I have not retired from blogging.

I have the same excuse as everytime.

I was just waiting for things to come back to turn right.

But things just kept turning left.

Just the little mom things

Like house-hunting with the stop-watch ticking away in countdown mode.

Like the kids’ exams to get over-they did. But then we had to make up for all the missed-out Guitar and Art classes.

And the maid just had to leave for her native village for a three-day trip which got stretched to a week.

And it was just the time that we found that both cooking Gas cylinders were now empty, and a delivery which normally took three days, this time took 11!

I did have the microwave to pull me through, but there just happened to be a day-long power-cut too.

And then the kitchen taps didn’t leave me the option of ignoring them till we moved away, the school van didn’t come one day, my partner in fire-fighting had to go away for two weeks, and the school declared a day off when it was my working day.

Is insomnia preferable to nightmares haunted by houses and exam papers and cooking breakfast on powerless microwaves?

Maybe not-I realized as I heard the screeching dent on my car.

The quotes on positive thinking just did not work.

It was only on reaching office and drinking hot-coffee from a machine that worked that I could think of the silver lining.

The dent is on the left fender!

The old one! For which I can now claim a replacement.

Let me celebrate by logging in.

Children's Day: After the storm

Yes the day went great.

We were only a little late for school, but since most kids were a little behind schedule, and the teachers had built in that buffer, both the girls enjoyed.

This is Aurora's class getting ready for a Cinderella at the Ball dance:

And this is Elena's class of Zebras and Lions;

And this is my troupe of dancers for the event at home:

Until next time!

Children's Day

As if we didn’t have enough festivals on the Indian calendar!

It was ok till it was a fancy dress party in play school. Yes the costumes and teaching them two lines took time, but they enjoyed so much that it was worth the time.

And now….

Same time last year, one day before the Children’s day celebrations in school, I am in office and get an urgent call from the day care:

Mamma, Ma’am has given us the dresses for tomorrow. We have to get ready, put on MAKEUP from home....

Wow. What fun! Ok so I get up 15 mins earlier fine..

And she said we have to shampoo and blow dry our hair…

Ok. 30 minutes*2

And we need to wear bangles

I hope that's all. …oops..I’ll have to arrange them before going to bed today

And…

and what?

She said we can’t wear sandals or shoes because it is a Punjabi dance, so we have to wear jobhris

…what on earth was that??

Ok, the teacher must have meant Mojris but how on earth was I going to manage buying them before tomorrow morning?

My husband was in a conference. He could not go out Mojri shopping, neither could he baby sit in the evening if I went out..

And then if I went shopping after office, with these two in tow, how do I manage making dinner, tomorrow’s lunch and breakfast?

Where in Bangalore would I find Mojris?

Should I ask Mom to send them by courier? 

Half a dozen calls later, the Grand referee to the rescue.  He found someone whom he could send to Commercial Street. The only catch-wasn't sure the guy understood what Mojris are….

I did an image search on Google, sent an email, and kept my fingers crossed….

Two hours later, I got a call saying the Mojris were with him, I had to wait till night to see if they were Ok.

….there was nothing else I could do

Thankfully they worked.

I still made a big fuss about the teachers dropping it on us at the last moment so this time both girls got their costumes and shopping lists two days in advance.

So all I need to do this time is: 

• Stitch Zebra ears on Elena’s costume for the Animal dance
  
  
• Fold and hem half a mile of Aurora’s ball gown which is way too long for her.
  
  
• Buy matching ear-rings and sandals and ruffled socks and gloves….
  (….and Mamma can you PLEASE buy some eyeliner and blusher also, everyone else will be wearing them)

 Oh….

• I need to teach them and two of their friends a dance too........ for the Children’s day celebrations in the apartment complex.
  
  
• Yep. And then I’ll have to organize the costumes for that too… 

As there isn’t any time left over for blogging, I am just posting this list…..just in time to rush out and buy the matching thread for stitching her gown.