Lost in languages

Why can’t these people speak in English? My friend fumed as a project discussion again lapsed into local lingo. Why don’t you learn the language, someone quipped back.

But what language was that?

When I had shifted from Delhi, I just knew that people in Karnataka spoke Kannada. Soon, I learnt, Bangalore was another world. 

First, you need to identify which of the 7-8 (leaving out the dialects) languages was being spoken.

Oh it's not that difficult, when most of the words end with “u” it’s Telegu, when they end with “aa” it’s Kannada, Malayalam sounds completely different, and Tamil you can make out from the tone….was the advice.  As for Tulu and Coorgi, they are somewhat similar to Malayalam.

Wooah! I stopped trying to figure out languages from then on.

In Germany, I was touched when people would look up words online to get the right English word to explain things to me.

Oh, but when an animated discussion starts everyone lapses back to fluent native German. And then they notice me, and apologize for leaving me out.

But I keep telling them, it’s is really not a problem for me.

It’s like being back in Bangalore

A Driving School called Dad

Keep one foot on the brake, release the clutch softly, and step on the accelerator-Hard.

The gears would screech in protest and the car would jump and jerk to a halt as I would take both feet off: How can someone operate three pedals at the same time?

Well go and ride a cycle then!

That was my Dad teaching me to drive.

Well learning from him sure was tough-but then it was learning for life.

Yes I can still hear him strategizing while teaching me to overtake trucks on a National Highway:

Look at the number plate-for Maharashtra and Gujarat numbers, overtake from the right, for Haryana numbers, go left.

For others-Flash the high beam, beep and watch the way it shifts. Slow down to make space, pull into the third and take over just as it is losing momentum

He taught me never to assume that anyone else knows the traffic rules or has heard of road etiquette. On the road we have to save our own ******

He also taught me never to get bullied by size (that menacing bus cannot move as fast as you can) or get awed by opulence either (that rude merc or chevvy or whatever is more scared of a scratch then you are.)

A hallmark of the best teachers is that they teach you how to learn on your own.

Thanks to Dad, I also learnt to drive through the deceptive desert sands, through sticky bogs, through gridlocks and subzi mandees and traffic so crazy that it makes me look at the regular Bangalore traffic as a chance to de-stress (and blog).

It was a long time ago, when my father urged me on as I (plonked against a pillow to reach the controls of our fiat) struggled to juggle between three pedals with two feet.

Yet, the day I was stuck in the worst ever rush hour jam, with wheel-deep water, miles of stationary buses and cars, cyclonic rain and darkness all around, I felt Dad’s words coming back to me, guiding me home.

As I was inching ahead, scribbling on my notebook and munching chocolate, I saw an astounded look on another driver’s face. I guess she didn’t know about Bernard Shaw’s insight into what makes a “Real Soldier (or Driver).” My father did.

Driving in Bangalore

Kannada Bharata?
Rule No. 1: Learn FAST
That’s the first survival tip for Bangalore roads.

Rule no. 2: Women shouldn’t be at the wheel. No, don’t try to educate the auto wala, the call center cabs, or the sleekly oiled gentlemen in the Skoda. Even the cops have the same attitude. Save your breath.

Rule no. 3: You are from “The North”-you are responsible for everything that’s wrong with Bangalore roads, and the culture (well that’s the subject for another post).

Rule no. 4: If like me, you are a woman, at the wheel and from North (technically I am NOT from North India-but that’s again another story!)-It’s back to Rule no 1.

While you are still at it. Parwa illa-learn the key words, and keep some telephone numbers of Kannadiga friends (preferably guys-Remember Rule no 2). You never know when you might need them.

This is from experience. I have been harassed by cops. Then there was a driver who tried to make me pay for scraping against his car when I didn’t let him overtake me. Both times, the tone changed dramatically, when I just dialed a number.

I have been told that having a “Jai Karnataka” flag or a poster of Rajkumar is the ultimate passport to avoid being harassed on the road, but I am yet to try it out.



Anyway, this is the extreme scenario; there are some other tips which help my everyday commute a little easier:

• Always keep food, water, newspaper, novels, pen and notepaper in your car. You never know where you can get stuck and for how long. In the mornings, I have my breakfast while driving to office, on the way back; I make grocery lists and the menu for dinner, next day’s breakfast, kids’ tiffin and lunch during these breaks.
  
• Keep your phone charged if you don’t have a car charger. Use longer stops to connect with all friends and family.
  
• Always keep your horn, brakes and tyres in good repair. Last monsoon, I kept two spare tyres in the boot and used them. I am still carrying both-although with the increased security awareness ((?) Another story!) it always takes two extra minutes before the guard lets me enter the office parking.
  
• While driving, the most comfortable thing to do is to target any office cab, they are there in every lane and by lane and tail it. They know the best routes and lanes and when to overtake from which direction.
  Sounds weird? But there is a complicated logic in knowing the exact moment to overtake. And yes, you overtake from either left or right depending on psychographics of the vehicles in front of you and on both sides. Most of us have our own way of working it out, but it’s again easier to follow a cab.
  
• The bumpers need to be at kissing distance. Otherwise the whole strategy fails.
  
• Never tail a BMTC bus. Unless you are nostalgic about playing criss-cross hopscotch.
  
• While dealing with Jay walkers-Honk ferociously, scowl and mutter gibberish. Most will understand. Let the others cross. (the fundamental Rules –remember!)
  
• If you see traffic build up on the main road-stick to it. The arterial roads will be worse –everytime.
  
• Explore the lanes and bylanes. There is always a better way. Although my daughters are not too enthusiastic after the number of ways we’ve got lost trying to find one. The moment they see me take a unfamiliar turn one or the other will ask anxiously “Mummy can we please go from the longer way?”
  

I’ll keep updating the list. Please share your tips too, it’ll make the drive a lot smoother.