Do words work?

Most of my posts are frivolous and fun as I deliberately avoid writing about serious issues, about things which matter most, about things I cannot change…..

This is because even though I find writing cathartic, I am really not convinced about its power. When we try to create awareness through words, does it even reach the right people?

As I was going through some really thought-provoking posts on Domestic Violence Awareness month, this was what I thought-are the women who are victims, even reading these? Will they start believing they have the right not to put up with it? Why do they endure it in the first place?

And violence is not always physical.

Some firmly blanked out memories crept out…

Yep.  I am an Engineer and a M.B.A and I have put up with a whole load of stuff from my MIL which no woman should.

Why the hell did I do that?

Because I hate confrontations and nastiness and I was afraid it would inevitably lead to more nastiness, because it would upset the whole family, because I still wanted to cover up for her…

Because I was a wimp!

There comes a point when enough is a lot more than enough, when you have to wake up and realize that things will not change until you change them. The sooner you start the better.

I hope some more women out there start fast.

Coming back to my original thought, yes I guess “just writing” may not be enough to bring about change, but maybe it just starts a ripple somewhere…


  1. Hypermom, I used to think like this too.. Until I read about how a lot of issues like Domestic violence is so widespread - it might be happening to someone around us - without even us knowing about it.

    . I am not sure how many women in such situations will read it - but I am sure all of us do learn something from these posts. As you say - 'maybe it just starts a ripple somewhere…'.

  2. '"just writing" may not be enough to bring about change, but maybe it just starts a ripple somewhere…' aptly said,hypermom.
    I've been reading some related posts on DV myself and I'm alarmed to realize how grave the situation is.
    there have been people sharing their own or their friends' traumas after reading those posts by way of comments.and that I think is a positive sign.even if one person realizes that there is an option to call out for help,then I think the intention to spread awareness is well served.

  3. I believe this is the husbands responsibility that these situtations don't arise. He got married, he should watch out for his wife.

    Plus, lets also keep in mind that each situation is different. You cannot clap with one hand but you sure can click. Staying quiet in the beginning to get the feel of the house is alright, but to keep quiet for a long time only increases the plight.

    Honestly, it's such a sensitive topic and because each situation is so different in it's own, I wouldn't know what to do either.

  4. I completely agree that writing alone can't change anything. But yes reading those things might change a lot of people's perspective towards life!! :) :)

  5. Smitha: wow you answered my thoughts so well, it was as though we were having an online coversation. You are so right.

    Deeps: I can see some point now, yes, we may not be doing much, but "just writing" is still a begining, and maybe it helps someone in some way.

    Ramit: Most offenders in DV cases are the husbands!

    Yes every member of the family is responsible, but most often it is the victim who doesn't even protest. She has to take the first step, accept that there is a problem which is not her fault, not something she has to hide, and that she has a right to seek help...

  6. Sakhi: Yes, it is like doing the bit we can. If more and more people do that-it does add up to a lot.

  7. Hugs Hypermom!
    I think most ppl don't like to share their family tales with anyone lest it make situations worse! When u hv a loving husband, it still works! Prob. thatz when we think we can just ignore them and move on for the man who loves us so much! But, what when the husband joins hands with them too! Life is just hell!

    Well, u r abs rt!
    'but maybe it just starts a ripple somewhere…'
    No harm in dng our bit anyways :) Just gives a +ve spirit to probably whoever reads it!

  8. You're correct. I meant the mental and emotional stress, not the actual physical abuse.

  9. Thanks Swaram. Life is hell for a lot of women. But just think, they have the strength to keep on bearing this for a lifetime-till it becomes their greatest weakness.

    And yes, thinking that it might not work should not stop us from doing our bit.

    Ramit: I know, the mental and emotional stress is traumatic. No use trying to pinpoint who is to blame-as you said, each case is unique. It is the victim who matter.

  10. Hypermom,I've linked this post of yours to mine.

  11. I have been disillusioned too and have written to the effect to hue and cry of disagreements in comments. But I agree awareness is a tool that works. For example at college I knew this girl who was in an abusive relationship, but I couldn't understand at that time why she would get out of it. I read several posts by CSA survivors, abusive relationship survivors and now I understand. Some of my friends still don't. So writing does create awareness.

    But its words and not action that is required for the change. Here is one of those of my dislillusioned posts:

  12. Thanks Deeps. Will go back and read your post.

    Poonam: I agree, it is very important to go beyond the first step of writing about issues and taking action. But how many of us have the bandwidth to go beyond writing, making donations, and an occasional weekend off? That should not stop us from taking the first step though--and planning the next ones.


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