The Wind Beneath My Wings

Years ago, when as a disillusioned and utterly confused teenager, I decided to junk whatever I was doing and sit for the Engineering entrance exams, everyone thought I had lost it completely. The exams were just a couple of months away, the last date for most forms was long gone, and I found Calculus more confusing than Greek and Roman mythology put together.

There was one person who made me believe I could do it. She made me do it.

When I lost someone and refused to grieve, it was a friend who forced me to cry. I do it readily for soppy movies and books, but when it really mattered, it took a friend.

When I was alone because of the crowd around me, when I was losing myself playing out the roles I was supposed to, it was a friend who made me face the woman in the mirror.

Years later, when in another of those moments I decided to quit my decently paid, on my terms kind of job, the whole world tried to convince me to look at things the rational way. (No have you lost it reactions now-everyone who knows me, knows that I never had “it”, whatever “it’s” supposed to be.) World economics and logic notwithstanding, she told me to go ahead. Guess what I did?

And when half asleep, in the middle of the night, I posted my first blog entry, it was a friend from the opposite corner of the world who wrote back that instant, pointing out a typo in the first line.

If I had the power to make one wish for my kids, this is what I’d wish for them too; that they have friends like I do.

It’s like having a safety net beneath the trapeze. Just knowing they are there gives me the strength to fly.

Time Flies. Yeah!

When I was struggling between changing diapers and feeding one kid, while getting the other one ready for school, this what all the wise old ladies around me would say.

 “They grow up so fast you’ll miss these days”. Oh yeah! After years of sleepless nights and sterilizing bottles, I was all ready to miss these days like I miss my tonsils and appendix.

My daughters are nine and six now. Years out of diapers, late night feeds and colic pains.

Old enough for us to be friends and have meaningful mother to daughter conversations that I always thought I’d have with them. Except that the trialogues often go off the script.

Conversation 1:

E: Why can’t I have a mobile phone?

L: You’ll get one when you are eighteen.

E: By then I’ll have money to buy it on my own.

 Thank you very much

 Conversation 2:

A: I am going to be a very kind mother when I grow up

L: Oh! How?

A: I am going to give lots of money to spend in the canteen. I am going to put a separate TV in their room, which they can watch whenever they want.

 That being an Ideal Ma, I changed the subject

 Conversation 3:

 After a Cadburys celebrations ad:

 E: I also want a brother. I want to tie Rakhi and get a gift.

 L: It's ok. You can tie it for Kush if you want to.

 E: (After one complete minute.) No I don’t need a brother. Can I tie one on Aurora’s hand?

L: You can. But Kush..(I come back to my agenda). It’ll be nice since he also doesn’t have a sister.

E: But I can’t tie a Rakhi for Kush. He is going to be my husband.

 I never tried after that

 Conversation 4:

 Me trying to preempt sibling rivalry

 L: Is it ok, if I buy the study table just for Didi. It is too big for you.

 A: (After really deep thought and a sigh.) It’s OK. You can give me the money.

 Conversation 5:

Aurora with yet more scrapes on her knee: Mummy, Sarthak pushed me off the swing.

L: Bachha that’s what happened yesterday also. Why don’t you play with the other girls instead?

Aurora: If I play with girls all the time, everyone will think I’m Gay.

Loverna: ***?//?***!!!!!!!!

 My neighbor is teaching her two year old the sounds which animals make. I envy her conversations.

Letting go

Sailing when the wind is high, riding out the king tide in a wind so strong that it snatches the rudder from your hands-yes that’s how the journey feels at times. Bringing up my two daughters, managing work and home is so like trying to stay vertical in a force nine gale-at times. 

There are spells in between when the wind becomes gentle, lifting us over the waves and carrying us over the years. But it still takes a lot of faith to lift my hands from the rudder and just float. 

I am trying to do that now. To regain a bit of my hardly existent sanity and to cruise at a slower pace. So many years of trying to control the winds from taking over my ship has done that. This blog is to share and seek support in becoming a better mother. {The best compliment I’ve had on this is from our Princess Aurora “Mamma, can you imagine, Mukul’s mother is worse than you!” Unimaginable Indeed!}

Driving in Bangalore

Kannada Bharata?
Rule No. 1: Learn FAST
That’s the first survival tip for Bangalore roads.

Rule no. 2: Women shouldn’t be at the wheel. No, don’t try to educate the auto wala, the call center cabs, or the sleekly oiled gentlemen in the Skoda. Even the cops have the same attitude. Save your breath.

Rule no. 3: You are from “The North”-you are responsible for everything that’s wrong with Bangalore roads, and the culture (well that’s the subject for another post).

Rule no. 4: If like me, you are a woman, at the wheel and from North (technically I am NOT from North India-but that’s again another story!)-It’s back to Rule no 1.

While you are still at it. Parwa illa-learn the key words, and keep some telephone numbers of Kannadiga friends (preferably guys-Remember Rule no 2). You never know when you might need them.

This is from experience. I have been harassed by cops. Then there was a driver who tried to make me pay for scraping against his car when I didn’t let him overtake me. Both times, the tone changed dramatically, when I just dialed a number.

I have been told that having a “Jai Karnataka” flag or a poster of Rajkumar is the ultimate passport to avoid being harassed on the road, but I am yet to try it out.



Anyway, this is the extreme scenario; there are some other tips which help my everyday commute a little easier:

• Always keep food, water, newspaper, novels, pen and notepaper in your car. You never know where you can get stuck and for how long. In the mornings, I have my breakfast while driving to office, on the way back; I make grocery lists and the menu for dinner, next day’s breakfast, kids’ tiffin and lunch during these breaks.
  
• Keep your phone charged if you don’t have a car charger. Use longer stops to connect with all friends and family.
  
• Always keep your horn, brakes and tyres in good repair. Last monsoon, I kept two spare tyres in the boot and used them. I am still carrying both-although with the increased security awareness ((?) Another story!) it always takes two extra minutes before the guard lets me enter the office parking.
  
• While driving, the most comfortable thing to do is to target any office cab, they are there in every lane and by lane and tail it. They know the best routes and lanes and when to overtake from which direction.
  Sounds weird? But there is a complicated logic in knowing the exact moment to overtake. And yes, you overtake from either left or right depending on psychographics of the vehicles in front of you and on both sides. Most of us have our own way of working it out, but it’s again easier to follow a cab.
  
• The bumpers need to be at kissing distance. Otherwise the whole strategy fails.
  
• Never tail a BMTC bus. Unless you are nostalgic about playing criss-cross hopscotch.
  
• While dealing with Jay walkers-Honk ferociously, scowl and mutter gibberish. Most will understand. Let the others cross. (the fundamental Rules –remember!)
  
• If you see traffic build up on the main road-stick to it. The arterial roads will be worse –everytime.
  
• Explore the lanes and bylanes. There is always a better way. Although my daughters are not too enthusiastic after the number of ways we’ve got lost trying to find one. The moment they see me take a unfamiliar turn one or the other will ask anxiously “Mummy can we please go from the longer way?”
  

I’ll keep updating the list. Please share your tips too, it’ll make the drive a lot smoother.

The Harried Mom’s survival tips for school days

These are some lessons from life and friends that help make my mornings better. I’ll keep updating the list. Please share as many tips as you can.

• Labeling socks: Yep I’ve labeled them N1, N2.. J1, J2 with embroidery thread and it has taken care of a daily 10 min hassle.
  
• Use Ala: of all permutations and combinations, this has been the most effective in turning brown uniforms to whitish.
  
• Buy multiple sets of uniforms: Most of us managed with two, but where every minute counts, having more sets helps you avoid a lot of stress
  
• Same with water bottles and tiffins: A backup always helps. Especially on the days when the maid doesn’t turn up and you are already so late
  
• Back up maid: This is too much of a luxury, but there is nothing like having two maids, so that atleast one is available when you need her the most.
  
• Making the kids do chores: They don’t get to watch TV unless next day’s bags and uniforms are in order. (I know this is worse than a boot camp, but then..)
  
• Keeping their hair short: This takes a lot of persuasion. But when a minute means the difference of missing the school bus, rippling into driving them two school (that’s 30 mins), it is a struggle to make plaits for two girls. More so because they have to be exact in terms of position and thickness, if I make plaits for one, then obviously……….. and the school rubber bands always go missing at sharp 7:35 am
  
• Moms’ network: I need to call Neetu and ask her to stop the bus for me almost two days a week. She calls me on atleast two days. I call Ruchi when I discover that one of the girls has left her tiffin box or diary on the table, Chitra when the bus driver tells us he has a puncture and cannot come…..The list is a lifesaver.